They say you are who you are. And that you should stay true to yourself. But what if you don’t know who you are?
Sometimes it is easier to see who you are if you are together with somesheep else. You suddenly can realise that you are “not-blue” when you are not blue and you see a blue sheep.
You can also find out what your values are if somesheep else crosses them. Perhaps you didn’t even know you liked standing up when you encounter a sheep that wants you to sit down.
When another sheep is around, you can suddenly realise that you like being with this person because he cuddles a lot. Perhaps this says something about you too?
But how do you know who you are when there is nosheep around? Does an identity only exist or come into being in relationsheep with others? And what is this ‘bagage’ this sheep is walking around with?
Cherish this bagage, it’s not something to be ashamed of, so many will hear ‘this sheep comes with bagage’, and then stop thinking. But what if you open what you carry along with you? What would be inside? Could it be all that bad?
First thing you can (never a must!) do, is accept it as your own. See it as a gift. Not excess bagage, but as a precious gift. What to think of people whose box is empty? What do they have to show for?
Second thing is (optional of course!) to be in the presence of somesheep you really like. Of course this is always nice, and can be a first rule of life even, but when it comes to looking into bagage, it can be helpful to have somesheep around. For support.
Third rule is that what you see is valid enough. Here your sheep in crime must step aside a little and let you just experience what is inside you. Step four can (and will, when you are counting to nine) come later.
So, this is what a friend can do. He can lend you his back so you can watch for your own into what you have been carrying along with you all along. Maybe it will tell you something about yourself.
And then you are by yourself.
But not alone.
You realise that one of the things that you really like to do is sleep. Because of the hurt you feel, well.. the hurt you don’t feel when you are sleeping. But.. there is also something else about sleeping. You remember the awsome feeling you have every time you are in this in-between-state of being awake and sleeping the last seconds. There is bliss in the serenity of being aware of your surroundings while thinking you are imagining them because you think you are asleep.
You see that you are an angel, taking care of so many people in your own way. And now that you are looking at this angel, you realise this angel is not alone, and doesn’t have to feel alone so often, because somesheep knows she’s there, taking care of so many people in her own way. No matter who sees that, because it doesn’t matter what you do when others are looking, it matters more what you do when they’re not.
You remember suddenly that there is true love for somesheep, regardless of what happened between the two, three or four of you. If you strip every situation down to his core, all what you will find eventually is sadness or fear. All beyond that is secondary, even shame, even anger. You realise that you should look beyond that anger, and go deeper, to the sadness. Because then you will come closer to the love.
You see that you have a funny side. You always knew that, by the way, but somehow along another way you forgot, or somesheep tricked you into thinking you weren’t. But you are! We can’t imagine anyone making a joke when he’s by himself and finding that joke not funny himself. Many sheep don’t have that split-personality. They rather just have their hair all frizzy. Much easier to deal with. And more fun too.
You start seeing you will take your mum with you wherever you will go. Maybe you should start seeing that as a positive thing, because she wanted you before you were born, she made you, together with your dad, she carried you for roughly nine months (if you are human), she fed you, watched you fall asleep, watched you fall, and picked you up so many times in your life.
You will see how the past has educated you, and that for some life courses you passed and for some you didn’t. Fortunately the education sheep side of you carries a bag of his own, and in this bag is the potential for always learning more. As long as you can breathe, you can learn. And we bet that there is at least ONE thing that you would want to learn still, right?
In your you will find how many roles you play in life. You are perhaps a parent. A child (everysheep is!). A grand child. A neighbor. A student. A friend. A sibling. An employer. A partner.
And yes, you will see a devil side of you. But luckily this is the truth: because there it’s just a side of you, it is never the whole you, the same as you can never be fully defined by the specific actions you do. But you will do some stupid things perhaps. Suddenly you will see that it’s not the stupid things that define you, it’s the way you deal with them.
You will meet that weird used-to-be-side where others will talk about still. Or is it the what-I-never-stopped-being side? Weird is always in the eyes of the beholder. We all can drill the beauty related expression, so it’s time to move on from there and start seeing that when it comes to subjectivity, everything goes. And it’s not the majority who make up the rules.
And you will find you.
And that will feel good.
Because you got to peek inside your bagage and saw the richness that accompanies you.
And when you meet yourself, your true self, no.. really your true self.
We start anew, because we want to make it clear.
When you meet yourself, your true self, you are truly open for others to meet you. Because then you know they don’t need to be around to define who you are.
And it can very well be that you just sit with yourself for a while, enjoying things that you started liking about yourself. Whether this is putting on sticky chalkboard tape to a door, or wanting to walk through a pool of undeep water, with your sandals on, in Antwerp, somewhere after dinner time, or preferring the repeat-version of YouTube over the regular one, or not knowing that juice in a carton is never carbonic.
It doesn’t matter what other sheep think, because you are about you.
And when you start seeing that, you can start seeing other sheep. You can start seeing other sheep for who they are.
From then on, you’re on your own. You can make up rule number five..
And seven (if you are counting to nine).