We found an empty bed. It seemed as if this sheep checked out a while ago. His body was there. But his mind was not. Because he was afraid. He even wished that the ringing in his ear would drown out the noise his soul made. What was it that אַהֲרֹן said.. you leave or you leave it? Something like that? And what if it leaves you, he thought.. You either run from things, or you face them. That was it. But the bed was still empty, the sheep thought.
What would you do, knowing that death was inevitable, sheep thought. Or birth for that matter. Pain. Change. Would you run from birth by dying beforehand? Would you run from death, by taking your own life beforehand? Would you run from pain, by inflicting it yourself? Would you run from change, into this make belief world and change it into a make disbelief world? Or an unworld? A noworld?
Or would you face it? Face death. Dying. Birth. Pain. Change. Or would you take your stuff across the border even, knowing fully well that.. ah well.. nevermind..
Who is it that I need, sheep thought. He thought of the love that someone sent him. Red on the front, bloody red even, hearted red, rosy read. Bloody. Pain.. Heart.. love.. still pain.. Roses.. gifts.. pain.. and then rosy.. thorns.. pain again. When he flipped the paper there were words. ‘We love because God loved us first’. No mention of pain whatsoever. But it was implied, he knew.
Please become that one that I need right now. Please be with me till this is all over, sheep thought. Please stay with me until it’s even after the fact that it is all over. Please make this ‘over’ thing something that isn’t such a big deal. Please don’t leave me. Because the place where I am right now is so dark. I am so scared.