Daddy, when You told Rebecca she would have two nations (גֹיִים) in her womb, why did you voice it like that? Why didn’t you tell her she would be having twins? It makes me think of my mums pregnancy, that she wouldn’t just give birth to me, but to a generation that would flow from me, spiritually speaking? I mean, all Abraham had to do, was to have ONE SON, and You would expand that family so much, that many nations would see the light of day. One pebble in the water carries his wave onto the shore, were it can unfold.
Daddy, through the prophet Isaiah you tell the people of Israel to not be afraid. Does You say that to me as well? I mean, Jesus also spoke those words. Fear not. I have not received a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Well, if I am honest, I am everything but do-not-fear. And I realize that I am standing on that shore of the promise made in the ocean, because I AM redeemed, through Abrahams faith and through Your blood, made visible in Jesus. Do my ears also go up by hearing the sound of the knowledge that You formed me in my mothers womb? That You love me, despite me? That You chose me and will never go back on that promise? Unfold me, Daddy.
Daddy, I feel pulled apart so badly that the only thing I feel is covering me, is hopelessness. I have lost sight of you and feel stuffed with fear. Fear that You are angry with me, upset with me, disappointed in me, that You are ready to give up on me, that You will throw things to my face. And I want to thank you, so badly, that through the deep valleys of my shadow of my death, that I find Your hand right here, exactly here. And in my shoutings I fire all the darts to the enemy, who wants me to believe that You ran out of mercy for me, that this time I really crossed the line. The prophet Jonah almost fell off the earth and even there he fell into Your hands. Let also me be covered with the truth that You have redeemed me. Be with me today, keep me sane, keep me upright, keep me walking, I don’t think I have ever gone through a more dark period than this one right now. But you are bigger than the situation I am going through. You are with me still, You can do more than I can pray for or that I can fathom. Wash me with Your forgiveness, clean me more white than snow dreams of, cover me with Your blood, let me drip of the certainty I have in You.
Daddy, I can’t see the rest of the day any more, let alone the rest of the week, month or year. It frightens me beyond belief! Is it You who is doing this, covering everything, so that I can only see one step in front of me? Here I go then, here am I, Your daughter.