When stressed, UNstress! Jomo has been up and about the house the last couple of days, looking after the younger mähs, there is some stirring in the flock, like a fresh cappuccino foam that needs a brisk whisk in order for it to fluff up completely. We do like fluff, we are not that fond of the necessary stirring though.. We rather just watch blue liquid dissolve in a warm glass of water. It does that by itself. When was the last time you dipped your pen in a glass of water when nobody was looking in class? Even thinking about that lowers our cortisol and touches on our giggle-spot.
‘Potamotrygorgeous? I am ready now, I have been ready since quite a while now, to show you some poses that you could to unstress somewhat. Do you have your battery charged? Because I have some poses lined up fore you.’
‘Okay, this I would like to call the Mähntain pose. Stand tall with feet together, I cannot quite do that, but if you can hold your own weight, please put your hoofs together, have your shoulders relaxed, and feel for a moment how the weight is evenly distributed on your hoofs, on the ground. You start with arms relaxed at either side. Then you take a deep breath and raise your hands overhead, palms facing each other. Keep your arms straight. Reach up toward the sky with your fingertips!’
‘Euh, this one takes some word to get in gear to.. Bare with me now..’
‘Almost done here, keep thinking about that blue ink dissolving in water!’
‘Yes, this is it. Downward mäh. Start on all fours with your hands under shoulders, and the knees under the hips. Then with your hands you walk a little bit forward and spread your fingers wide, pressing palms into the mat.. or the wood, depending where your photoshoot takes place. Then curl the toes under and press your bum toward the ceiling. If you do it correctly, your body will be an inverted V, I am more of an inverted and stretched U, but it’s not about keeping score here.. Keep pressing the shoulders away from the ears. Now hold this for three..
two..
one.. ‘
‘Then step into the Mährrior pose.. stand with legs a bit apart, and turn the hoof in the back out 90 degrees and the other hoof in front of you. Then bring your hands to your hips, again think about relaxation of the shoulders, so important (that’s the place where many people carry the stress of the world, think about that Atlas dude, he even carried the whole world that way!).. and extend your arms out to the sides, palms down. Then bend the front knee 90 degrees, keep your knee over the ankle. And then gaze out over your hand. Stay with me, Potamotrygorgeous, for 1 minute. I will count down from 60.. 59.. 58..’
‘Hey you.. psst.. I think I have Potamotrygorgeous in that Mährrior pose for a while, since I am counting down really slowly.. so we got the stage to ourselves.. let’s do some wicked yoga here..’
‘I would like to present the mähtzil poze. Begin in a fucked up position, think about all the sugar you would like to put on a pretzil, and you’re good to go.. make sure you touch base with both your feet, but cross them at the ankles, put all your weight on that and let your body sink in the ground. It should feel exactly how it looks. Cross also your arms and lean with your body against the back wall. This position is also good for warming up for a good game of twister.’
‘The I-remember-me-being-an-egg-pose. Lie face up on the surface, first extend the legs and then grab them. The more flexible you are, the more this pose will be a success. Don’t overdo it, the pose is supposed to be done without any sounds. Tighten your pelvic, pull the navel in toward the spine while your arms ‘hug’ your feet. You can try this pose one leg at a time, keep watching the ceiling, because that is probably the most blank space in the room you are in. And if not: then close your eyes.’
‘This is not half of the pretzil pose, although it certainly looks like it. This is a meditation not for giving birth to your nutritional desires, as is the pretzil pose, this one is designed to step into when someone says ‘shut up and meditate! The weight is still on the legs, but this time the arms are resting, thumbs forward (don’t forget!) on the knees. If you can hold this balance long enough, you can even give a thumbs up.’
‘This one I just made up. It’s a bridge pose, and only fat sheep can pull this off, because the only thing you have to do is lie flat on the ground. If you are fat enough, your belly will make that bridge for you. Do keep your knees bent and slightly away from the knees. For dramatic effect, you can put your arms to the side of your ears. Do this only on an inhalation. And remember the shoulders!’
‘Then I have some versions of the Jolly twist.’
‘This is the upside down Jolly Twist. To make this one easier, place a stack of pillows underneath your head. Make sure you have nothing on your mind when doing this one, because it can go to your head quickly. This pose increases blood circulation, it tones the abdomen and strengthens the shoulders. Keep your chest open at all times and gaze to the wall in front of you. Relax the arms.’
‘The third Jolly twister is when you also use the legs. Curl the toes while pressing your full weight in the floor, you can now feel the full you, this is what it feels like when the world is upside down, let this feeling sink in. Touch your cheeck with your thumbs while you hold this pose for 3.. 2.. 1.. and remind yourself that you are a lovely person as it it. Even though you look like an idiot like this.’
‘I have the adult-pose, that is the adult version of the child pose. For this pose the only thing you need to know is that you don’t to the child pose. That’s all. So if anything; don’t do the child pose here… 23.. 22.. 21
’20..19.. Potamotrygorgeous, you still with me on that Mährrior pose Counting down still.. 6..5..4..3.. ‘
‘2..1.. hey why are you cuddling with me?’
Because one way of relieving stress is to cuddle the one that you love..
potamotrygorgeous 