Sheebo was the first. There always has to be a first, you know. That first sheep will give birth to the possibility of a flock. Without one sheep you will never be able to count to two. You need that first sheep! Find him. Or her. Or be that sheep.
You need a first step. It will open ways for walking a path towards something that makes you happy. Or someone. And you need other first steps, not only foot wise. Smile for example. That first smile will signal to someone that either you feel good about yourself or you feel good about seeing that other person. In any case, smile, even if you are the first one to. Research has shown that you not only smile because you are happy but you also are happy because you smile. Read that again. It’s true.
Sheebo gave us many firsts. He even confirmed that it is a dictionary worthy word. No need to look that up. Really.
Sheebo is a shy sheep, a little dorky even, especially with the ladies, we know him long enough now that we definitely can say that it’s not them, but it’s him. He also rather sticks to his own, or to Potamotrygorgeous. We have seen him engage with other male flock members, mainly Dean or Logan, but that was about it. And that is perfectly fine, for every sheep is different. And we were in need of a first sheep to be this dorky with the ladies. He can teach us a thing or two when it comes to being so incredibly bad at flirting with a lady.
Sheebo taught us that you needn’t be embarrassed when you cross borders, whether it be international ones or emotional ones. It was him who said to take him with us if we would go and because we don’t like empty promises, we can but fulfill.
He wanted to go and live part-time in Antwerp. And so we will.
And then there was a dot and after the silence came this sheep. Or there was a shot and then there was an entering and after the night came this sheep. Or there was this water and then there was something with dots and after the shot came this sheep. Or there was a yellowish color that had two parts, saying some name in the dark and given another place in time and then in came this sheep. Or the jumping had essence that signaled some swallowing of pride that at least some of the time there would be something strange going on and then there would be this sheep. Or holding on was just too difficult. For this sheep.
So confession sheep flew in. No. Someheep threw him. How painful. He was needed. How painful.
But because of the noise they couldn’t ask him to fly in. There wasn’t even a we, nor access to wanting to ask, nor feeling the need to. Everything started with something that happened before that, and it made a sheep hold his breath because he couldn’t move. Because of internal noise we couldn’t hear ourselves need him. He should have been there. And he was. But we didn’t know. Oh, how we longed for skipping time and be in a three syllable place. If only heaven was pronounced differently.. voice of waters. Shamayim.
“Hey bitch, you forgot your crayon,” Confession sheep said. “I don’t blame you, and I have never took the b-word in my mouth, but it’s time to tell you that you forgot your crayon. Remember the b-oundaries? Remember the lines you could draw with them? Remember that? It’s the most b-itter taste you will ever have in your mouth if you do decide to swallow your three syllables, you know that. It doesn’t matter which letter you turn upside down, or ‘why’. Why do you make your name into this scrambled and co thingy? It’s Potamotrygorgeous, you know. What is it you want?
And while Confession sheep listened, we confessed: even the clearest mirror couldn’t be held upright. It fell down and reflected the deadliest powder only, doubling it in size, in imagination only if we believed that reflections were real. Divide and conquer. Is that was he meant by drawing a line?
“No,’ confession sheep said. “I said: What is it you want? I won’t allow any abstract answers. You have become a master at this, haven’t you? It’s not divide and conquer with you, it’s dive or duck. I won’t allow any answers with a negation in it. For if you are on a crossroad with thousand exits, you are still running in circles or stand still if you only say you DONT want exit three.. I know you DONT want exit three. Or four. Or seventeen. Or twenty. Or one. Or six. You said three already. Four too. Stop repeating even the repetition, for you are drawing circles in such a way that all of this is spiraling out of control. So I ask you again: What is it you want?”
And while Confession sheep listened, we confessed what we wanted: “Out.”
“No, not acceptable, for it is abstract”, confession sheep said. “Unless you mean ‘out of this room at this moment, which you are physically perfectly able to do. But I won’t insult your intelligence by assuming that’s what you meant, because you have always given me this power of being so not-understandably-philosophical, so stop blaming it on me if I don’t understand. I am not your reflection screen. So try again. What is it you want?”
And while Confession sheep listened, we confessed: “I don’t know.”
“Not acceptable”, confession sheep said, “for it is a negation. Express your need. Try. No. Express.”
And while Confession sheep listened, we asked: “Why?”
“Because there is a reason,” confession sheep said, “that you always bring up this mirror stuff, and you don’t even see it. Even a simple question you turn around, asking why. You think you need this mirror to have reflection of yourself. You still think that if you are seen, you exist. And you go as far as even thinking that that is the only way for you to exist, or to have the validation that you exist. If only you are seen, then you ‘are’. And you desperately try for creating operationalisations of that construct, if you don’t mind me using two statistical terms here, but you are missing one crucial point. You forget that the mirror reflects you in exactly the opposite. And that is why you only ask in abstracts and negations. It should be about the opposites. Turn that why upside down, for flock’s sake, look at the title, girl! It’s all about you!”
And while Confession sheep listened, we asked: “Will you be patient?”
“Ah, that is a need, if I may be so free as translating your question about the potential presence of one of my character traits as an expression of your need for me to be patient with you on this topic,” confession sheep said to dreamsheep. “I am patient for the exact amount of time and in the exact intensity as you lack it. This is not my or by choice, this is the direct result of you. If you leave, I cease to exist too. It’s all in your mind, remember? As long as you choose to wake up and decide you are helpless, I will ALWAYS and by default be the helper. I said default, not yourfault. But you do have options.”
“Why can’t I see them then?” Dream sheep asked.
“You can.” Confession sheep answered.
“If I see them, why can’t I choose then?” Dream sheep asked.
“You can.” Confession sheep answered.
“If I can choose them, why don’t I then?” Dream sheep asked.
“You already did.” Confession sheep answered.
“If I already choose, then why do I feel the way I do?” Dream sheep asked.
“And how’s that?” Confession sheep asked friendly.
“Lost. Sick. Monstrous. Dead.” Dream sheep cried softly.
“Because,” confession sheep said, “because, again, the mirror reflects things in exact the opposite. Turn it around, it’s not about you perceive others to see you. It’s not about them at all.”
“Girl, do I need to spell it out for you?’ confession sheep said. “For others Your Left Eye is on the right side of your head if they look at you. How will they ever Be you? How will they ever know you? How will you ever get to know yourself if you trust what they see? They are looking at it from the most impossible angle, for they are not you. YOU ARE.”
“What should I do with that crayon..” dream sheep asked softly.
“Learn to write,” confession sheep replied. “And turn the why’s around. Lost becomes found. Sick becomes healthy. Monstrous becomes angelic. And if you need more time, the only thing you have to do is just keep on drawing.”